Is he cheating? Is she having an affair? If your partner’s behavior matches 10 or more of the items in the following checklist, it might be time to pursue verifying your suspicions.
The Cheating Checklist
Someone may be cheating if he/she:
- Regularly goes to work early or comes home late.
- Avoids answering the phone when you’re around.
- Needs more privacy than usual.
- Has started exercising, losing weight.
- Says it’s “in your imagination.”
- Has scents of cologne on clothes.
- Keeps referring to a new “friend” at work.
- Has chunks of unaccounted-for time.
- Comes home smelling of alcohol or perfume.
- Has unexplained cell phone numbers.
- Has unexplained credit card charges.
- Becoming more picky or angry during normal conversations.
- Has unexplained email addresses or new email services.
- Is spending less time with you and the children.
Verifying Your Suspicions
If you’ve reached the point where you want to know the truth, consider hiring a private investigator. Check Internet ads and/or listings for state professional investigators to find referrals. Choose several who have expertise in surveillance and infidelity investigations, then take the time to interview each one on the phone. Are they communicative? What have been the outcomes of some of their infidelity cases? if you’re going before a judge and jury, ask if the PI has courtroom experience (an untrained investigator may not know the laws and end up doing something illegal during an investigation-which causes you problems).
Although there are numerous online sites that cater to the broken-hearted, selling everything from investigative services to semen-analysis products to software, practice caution before making any purchases. For example, many sites sell monitoring software–keep in mind that evidence obtained by capturing snapshots of chat room conversations or email exchanges isn’t always admissible in court because it can violate privacy and eavesdropping statutes.
It’s painful to admit your suspicions, but it’s also brave to take steps to discover the truth. If you’re harboring suspicions about a loved one’s fidelity, review the cheating spouse checklist in this article, decide what next steps, if any, are appropriate for you, and if you choose to hire a private investigator, take the time to select one who is right for you.